Divorce Resources

Stepping into the divorce process is like being dropped off in a foreign land where you don’t speak the language. There are laws and procedures that will have a direct impact on the rest of your life, and it can be daunting and overwhelming.

In an effort to enhance knowledge based decision making, where you know what you need to know to make decisions for your future, I have compiled information and resources for divorcing couples in Tennessee.

Marriage is a legally binding contract that you entered into with your spouse, and getting out of that contract is a legal process. A judge will need to sign and approve any agreements that you reach. Your agreement is called a Marital Dissolution Agreement (MDA) and the MDA spells out how all of your assets and debts will be divided. A Parenting Plan will be attached for those of you with minor children, and the Parenting Plan will have a Child Support worksheet attached. If you and your spouse cannot decide these things, either in mediation or through an attorney’s negotiations, then you will go to court and a judge will decide for you.

Some people are able to make these tough decisions themselves, some with the help of an experienced mediator, some with an attorney, and many with a combination of resources. Either way, preparation can mean the difference between success and failure.

DIVORCE FORMS
The Tennessee Supreme Court approved some divorce forms “universally acceptable as legally sufficient.” According to the Administrative Office of the Courts, “This means that if the forms are filled out correctly that all Tennessee courts that hear divorce cases must accept the forms.” Some of these forms specify who can use them and under what circumstances, and even if you do not meet the criteria, the information is very helpful in learning what the courts want to see when you file for divorce.

Court Approved Divorce Forms http://www.tsc.state.tn.us/help-center/court-approved-divorce-forms

PARENTING PLANS
In an effort to provide support for children of divorce, Tennessee enacted the Tennessee Parenting Plan law. You can read about the provision and access the Parenting Plan forms. The Parenting Plan delineates your agreement for shared parenting time with your children: where the children will reside on what days during the week, over the holidays, during school vacations, and over the summer. There are a few other decisions around co-parenting as well as a list of Parents Rights.

CHILD SUPPORT
Tennessee has Child Support Guidelines and a “calculator” that is used to determine support. If you understand beforehand the decisions you will be making in support of your children, you will be able to give them some thoughtful attention. You are divorcing your spouse, but you will remain parents together for the rest of your lives.

REAL PROPERTY
Where Real Property is a part of your divorce, there is a lot of information you will need to gather. More than just knowing what you own and what you owe, I recommend knowing how your assets are titled, what they are worth, what shape they are in, and how you are going to manage them moving forward. The only way to get off of a mortgage, for example, is to refinance. If you want to keep your marital home, do you qualify to refinance the mortgage in your name only? Are there any impending repairs that you need to prepare for? Accurate and complete information can help you avoid major mistakes that are not fixable once the divorce is final.

LEGAL CONSULTATION

Divorce is hugely emotional, and it is hugely legal. I recommend that parties seek out an independent legal consultation from a Family Law Attorney. You do not have to hire the attorney, but consulting one early on will give you a clear sense of your legal foundation- part of informed decision making. A simple legal consult generally costs approximately $500 and will ensure that you 1) are duly informed of your legal rights and 2) understand the best way to advocate for yourself during the divorce process.

Here is a great article about your legal options in divorce.

If you decide to mediate your divorce, this attorney may also agree to review any Mediated Agreement that you reach and file it with the court on your behalf. If you bookend mediation with a legal consultation, you can ensure that your agreement is legally sound and is presented to the court in the best possible format.

MEDIATION is an alternative way for resolving divorce issues, and experience shows that when fully informed people are involved in creating their own solutions, they are much happier with the results. There are many good sources of information about divorce mediation.
The State of Tennessee Office of the Courts provides mediation information and resources, and Mediate.com has some wonderful articles about the process and practice of mediation.

FIND A MEDIATOR
Nashville Conflict Resolution Center (NCRC) is our local Community Mediation Center. They offer affordable mediations using trained Rule 31 listed volunteer mediators.

Tennessee Association of Professional Mediators (TAPM) has a listing of all their members and their areas of expertise.

The Tennessee Supreme Court Alternative Dispute Resolution Commission lists all Rule 31 Listed Family Mediators.

Take your time to contact several mediators and interview them. Do they have an area of expertise? Do they have experience with cases similar to yours? How do they view the mediation process? The mediator should be able to describe his or her style of mediation and his or her role in the mediation process. Some mediators offer an introductory or orientation session after which the parties decide whether they wish to continue. Is it offered at no cost, reduced cost, or otherwise? You will know when you have found the right mediator.

FIND AN ATTORNEY
If you decide to hire an attorney, I recommend conducting the same interview before you make your decision. Can the lawyer provide references from other clients? What is the range of possible outcomes for your case, including rough estimates of time and cost? Does he/she use mediation regularly? How do they view mediation? Will they review a mediated agreement on an hourly fee scale or do will they require a retainer? If they require a retainer, will any unused portion be returned to you? How exactly do they bill for services? You can get a real feel for how they operate and see if it lines up with your needs.

FIND A CPA or DIVORCE FINANCIAL SPECIALIST

There are many tax laws that impact your divorce financial settlement, and it is always wise to know how you will be taxed on any settlement you receive.  The IRS has Publication 504 which may be a place to start, and it lays out the federal requirements, for example, for transferring pension/retirement proceeds. There is lots of useful information in this publication. In addition, to your CPA and your attorney, you may consider contacting a Certified Divorce Planner, like Kay Quinn of Quinn Financial Partners in Nashville. Check your local directory for a specialist in your area.

This is your divorce, and your choices matter. You can minimize emotional swings through counseling/coaching, nutrition, exercise, and education. Don’t get to Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired (HALT). Get as comfortable with the process as possible. Understanding and clarity bring peace. Work on your divorce with some regularity so you can make Informed Decisions without getting overwhelmed. Help avoid overreactions by picking your battles wisely. KEEP it simple and let go of the small stuff!

Divorce Care is a divorce recovery support group. You can find a group near you on their website.

Deborah Denson does not provide legal advice and no information associated with this page should be construed as legal advice.