Paying attention to my thoughts can be exhausting, because I have an “itty-bitty-shitty committee” that lives in my head. They tell me I’m stupid. They tell me you’re stupid, and they rail at the jerk tailgating me in traffic. It’s like I have this complaint remote living in my head and all the buttons are getting pushed all day long. I tried to pretend this wasn’t happening, but it was, and the more I tried to ignore the voices, the louder they became.
Then a wise friend asked, “Why don’t you pull them out, name them, and listen to what they are trying to tell you?” I decided to give it a try.
Little by little, I realized that the judgments and complaints were trying to show me what I value. My complaints about people being late for meetings or dinner was letting me know that I really value timeliness and efficiency. My complaints about dirty dishes piled in the sink and clothes piled on the floor (right next to the hamper) showed me I really value order.
This was a bit overwhelming at first, but as I kept listening and paying attention, the voices started quieting themselves. It seems all they needed, like me, was to be seen and heard.
Interestingly, as I started to listen to the voices, solutions started to present themselves- solutions that didn’t necessarily require badgering my children or fighting with my spouse. Alongside the voice of shame and blame, lived the voice of intuition and wisdom. Listening to the one I tried to avoid, I accessed the other.
Paying attention is the first step in conflict competence. It improves self-awareness which is a huge indicator of confidence. The more we listen to and get to know ourselves, our abilities and our limitations, the more our fear slips away; and when fear slips away, confidence steps in.
Another benefit of paying attention, scientifically speaking, is our ability to change our brains, literally. It’s called neuro-plasticity – the idea that what we think, do, and pay attention to can change the neural pathways that may be keeping us stuck. How cool is that?
“We cannot attain the presence of god. We’re already totally in the presence of God. What’s absent is awareness.” ~Richard Rohr
Click here to read more about paying attention.
Sorry, comments are closed for this post.